Last week, Sarah the extraordinary master thief, cautiously entered the dangerous depths of The Jugular! It was a perfect, yet not so perfect, execution of a brilliant plan to steal the ultimate book of divine comedic power. Unfortunately, an extremely formidable foe was overlooked: duck tape (Get it? Duck. Tape. Bada-bump.) This eventually led to the downfall of Sarah’s plan. If you missed last week’s episode, follow this link to learn how she barely made it with her life and a strip of the book. http://www.sunsetmediawave.org/2018/03/a-comedians-guide-to-being-funny-broken-ankles-capes-and-somersauts/
[Various gasping and heavy heaving sounds can be heard through this completely accurate story.]
Sarah here. I’m back. You have no idea how many tall walls I had to scale to get back to my super secret base, which is totally not in my bedroom closet, I mean who even said that? Hahaha haha ha, anyhoosies…. A mere step-ladder did not help with my super important fear-inducing mission, and it was hard enough just to get the ladder over the walls – imagine actually using it to climb walls – I mean it doesn’t even flatten out! So why did I bring a step ladder, you ask? Oh yeah, you didn’t actually ask. Well I’ll tell you anyway. The brand of the step-ladder was apparently called Folly’s StepZ. Being a fool, yet devilishly marvelous, I thought it was folding step ladder! Can you believe it? Folly and Folding?
Fortunately, I was able to infiltrate The Jugular, the secret all-knowing library. Unfortunately I didn’t get the book. I mean, I did manage to rip a page out of the most precious book in all of existence, but no biggie. (Please excuse me while I cry in a corner.) How did I rip the page out? Well thanks for asking! (You should have asked, so I’m acting like you did.) The Guide was sitting on its pedestal, as it should be, and I had great plans for it: take the book for myself, treat it to a newly designed book cover. (White with gray on the side cover just doesn’t scream ” I am the legendary book of humor!” ) I was planning to take it out for an extensive book page crisping, but all that was ruined when they put duck tape on it to ensure that I never get my well deserved rendezvous with the mystic tome. I ran with the page but by itself, it was too hard to decipher (almost as if someone cut out paper the same size of a book page and wrote purposely ugly on it so that it’d look rustic, but who knows who actually wrote this).
I have been working night and day to decipher this cryptic text, but this is all I have so far:
No More Cringing at Bad Jokes
It is an art and a skill to perfect the ability to resist cringing at bad jokes. Some say that jokes can be so bad that they end up good. What they don’t know is that the funniest comedians are actually allergic to bad jokes. They expose themselves to so many of them that they’ve built up their resistance. I wouldn’t suggest that you develop a tolerance to food allergies, because you’re allergic to these demonic foods for a reason. Your body literally rejects them, almost like I was rejected by the famous comedian Ashley the Acceptable. She literally accepted every thing but me. Oh young one (not to assume anything, but it sounds right) learn the strength of the shield and let yourself forgo the process of becoming a true comedian. Practice your newfound skill with the bad joke below:
” When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!”