Our lives are a spectrum of colors, but sometimes that spectrum narrows down to just one color: blue. We all feel blue at times. When things don’t go the way we wish they did or when we mess up, it’s natural to feel upset. For me, it’s like that most of the time. A constant voice in my head tells me I’m wrong or that I should be upset about this or that. Dealing with this, has been a big issue for me. How can I enjoy my life when my mind tortures me with these types of reactions?
One strategy I’ve tried is going to therapy. Going every week should have had made a difference, right? But for me, I felt like a lab rat. Doctors tried out new solutions to fix the problem inside of me. Therapists looked down on me, and tried to figure out how to fix me and push new ideas on me, I just couldn’t handle it. Therapy caused more stress and made me more upset than anything else in my life. It became an extra thing to worry about, not a place to relieve stress and talk about my problems comfortably.
The only thing that seems to make me happier is being around people who I can laugh with and people whom I love. Laughter really is the best medicine, especially when it’s with your favorite people. For example, the week of Halloween I was at a pretty low point. I was unhappy with the way my life was going and needed a break from everything. I was planning to tell my therapist on the day after Halloween, that I felt unsafe around myself and felt I wouldn’t survive if I had to live another day. I wanted to get sent away somewhere. Anywhere. I was able to lift my spirits just enough to go out on Halloween night with my friends, hoping to take my mind off of everything else. Fortunately, that’s exactly what happened. I had so much fun with my friends that I lost track of my suicidal feelings and my temptations subsided.
Feeling blue is inevitable and fighting through it is almost impossible sometimes, but being around the people who make you happy is one of the best medicines.