This might be my last post for Awkward Your Way Into, and possibly even my last post at The Wave, but don’t worry homies, this doesn’t have to be a sad goodbye. We are going to leave off on a good note! So, we’re four posts in, and I think you get the point… I’m flip-flapping awkward. I have thoroughly explained how uncomfortable normal day-to-day life situations can be, but I didn’t want to end this column on another hilariously sad tale about my awkwardness.
Today, we are going a little deeper, homies–we’re talking about feelings. And yes, you might be saying to yourself, Angeline, you talk about your gosh darn feeling every gosh darn post! This isn’t anything new! And you’re not wrong, but this post is just a bit different. I’ve told you about important events in my life and how I felt in that moment. But today in this post, we’re going to get a little more vulnerable and talk about not so happy feelings.
Feeling awkward is uncomfortable, but feeling awkward in your own skin is just awful. I realize that this topic is a little heavier than what I usually go for, but this is hands-down the most uncomfortable feeling that any one of us can experience. But this column is about making people aware of all kinds of awkwardness, so I’m gonna talk about it.
Let’s be honest here, we don’t always love ourselves. We find millions of reasons to not fully accept ourselves, millions of reasons to belittle ourselves, and millions of reasons to feel inadequate. I’m definitely guilty of being my own harshest critic as well. I hate to admit it, but I’m the type of person that really lets my insecurities rule me, whether they’re my physical or psychological insecurities. I can’t tell you how many times I put on an outfit and I’m like frickity-frick-frick I look bomb in this fit! Then, I step outside the house and then all that confidence just melts away for seemingly no reason, and I’m trying to hide from any living thing for the next 12 to 16 hours because I feel completely awkward in my own skin–yikes.
I never really realized it before, but the smallest things can make people feel insecure about themselves. It could be their outfit, their laugh, their smile, their circumstances, their background, and so on. On top of that, there isn’t always reasoning with people about their insecurities when they’re already down, which really sucks because you can think that person is the most amazing human being ever. You might really love their personality and they could have the coolest looking eyes, but they won’t see these great qualities because one time someone told them they laugh too loud and now they’re caught up in a ridiculously self-critical headspace.
We all get caught up in other people’s words from time to time, especially when what they do or say hurts us or makes us self-conscience. I blame society for that because when I was little and gave no cares, I could walk out the house in a rainbow pegasus t-shirt and polka dot tights with only one rainboot on. But once I realized that people cared about the way I presented myself, things started feelin’ real awkward. We all care too much about other people’s opinions–about what they think and about their personal expression and choices.
For a while now, I’ve really let other people determine how I view myself, which really left me feeling like crud. But this summer, I had what one might call an epiphany. I had this realization when I was just chilling down in Georgia with my best friend. It was the middle of the night, and I just woken up from this really intense dream about being an immortal who is trapped in a glass box for the rest of eternity which was really weird, but while I was staring at the dark ceiling in the middle of the night, I realized that we’re all going to die. I know, it’s crude, but it’s true. Think about it, the person that made a comment about your insecurity isn’t going to be here forever, and neither are you, so why are we letting people who are going to exist for less than a speck of time make us feel some type of way about ourselves?
No, I’m not as confident as I would like to be at this very moment, but at least now, I know that this awkwardness doesn’t have to be all that awkward after all. I’m here to grow and learn as a human. I’m here to impact and be impacted. I’m here to feel uncomfortable and then find comfort in this huge sea of the awkwardness. We all are.
I’m glad that I got this opportunity to work on this awkwardly amazing column that has given me room for creative and selfngrowth, but most of all, I’m grateful that the Universe was kind enough to let me speak to you!
Until next time, dudes.