Suicide Notes to Myself: Maybe One Day

Dear Reagan,


You’re a curious person you know? Curious and suicidal. And that doesn’t mix because then you stay up late wondering what it would be like to die.  Who would care? How long would it take for your friends to find out? Would they even find out? Would you go to heaven or hell? But most importantly, how would you do it?

In 2015, a study in the U.S. found that about 50% of people committed suicide by using a gun. Around 30% had suffocated themselves, 15% poisoned themselves, and the rest chose other methods. You are frankly scared of using any of them, but here’s how it would work out if you weren’t so scared.

  1. Using a gun: First of all, you don’t have access to a gun, and even if you did, you would probably hesitate for hours before putting it away. The fear would be too much but maybe that fear would drive you to just get it over with. Using a gun would be loud and it would not be a pleasant thing to hear at two in the morning; especially since people in the house would wake up, go investigate, and see your head splattered around the room. No thanks. 
  2. Suffocating: Suffocating most likely references hanging yourself with a noose. That would take too long so that’s an immediate no. You want to leave now. Not ten minutes from now. You’re not gonna go into what would happen because you wouldn’t do it. 
  3. Poison: Where are you supposed to get poison? Drinking household cleaners doesn’t sound particularly fun and that would take a long time too. That’s out of the equation for being disgusting and lengthy.

You know all these methods to kill yourself and you’re scared of them all. It’s scary to suffer physical pain. It’s scary to die in general but here you are wanting more than anything to do so. Is there such thing as a painless way to die? There probably is, but you’d probably be scared of doing that too.