In Her View: Ludus/Pragma (Love for a Significant Other)
I met my second interviewee in Yonkers Cafe, on Noriega Street. He was casually enjoying his sandwich when I thought, “Hmmm. He looks like an interesting guy. I bet he has some very cool love stories to tell.”
My inner weirdo immediately popped out and convinced me to have him be my second interviewee. I (totally not awkwardly) approached his table and asked if he could spare a few minutes. He nonchalantly quipped, “It depends on what for.”
Unfazed, I replied, “I’m writing a column on different types of love, and I was wondering if you could maybe answer a few questions for me.”
Thankfully, he smiled and answered, “Yeah, sure.”
Micah is 40 years old, and he said his longest relationship was two years. Despite this, he still chose to answer the questions for love for a significant other. I am only 16 years old, so my views are based mainly on the way I was raised and the example my parents set for me and my sister, as well as observing the relationships of some of my close friends. I am not a love expert (news flash: no one is), so the opinions expressed below may be undeveloped or incomplete. The sound clip below is a recording of my interview with him.
“I wouldn’t ask her out if I was unsure.”
I couldn’t do anything but nod my head in agreement when Micah expressed his desire to fully know someone before making a move. I admire the fact that he does not want to engage in a relationship before he really knows her as a person. For me, this statement creates lots of hope as to the kind of people there are in this world. Even though it was just a small statement in response to a question, his response gave me hope that not all people date others just to play around with their feelings.. Though he is from a different generation, I have hope that even people in my generation will share the same mentality.
“When you fall in love with somebody, you’re vulnerable… I mean, for me, when I fall in love with people, I felt that my life was better with them in it. At that moment, you don’t want to lose that, and there’s always a possibility that you will, and that’s kind of scary.”
When I asked Micah if he was ever scared to be in love, I didn’t really have any idea as to what he would say. To be honest, the fact that he’s not in a relationship at the moment and his longest relationship was a mere two years played a factor in my overall view and understanding of him, and I admit that was wrong. When he explained his thoughts on the feeling of love, I had a small epiphany. I never really thought of the vulnerability that comes with being in a relationship. When two people are in a relationship, it requires respect, communication, and understanding in order for it to work, and this includes revealing intimate details they normally don’t share with other people. This means breaking down each other’s walls in order to fully know one another, and this can be terrifying for some. On the other hand, as two people become closer and closer to each other, their bond becomes stronger. I can attest to this fact myself, as the more valuable a person becomes to me, the more I have an innate desire to keep them in my life.
“I think that when you’re on your own, you can pretty much do whatever you want to do, and that’s nice, but when you’re with somebody, you just learn a lot more about yourself… you learn how to be more sensitive to someone’s feelings, and you learn how to do that in the best possible way.”
I think what Micah said here is very important because when you’re in a relationship, it’s not just about you anymore. There is another person’s needs and feelings that one needs to take into consideration. If an individual wants to be respected by his or her partner, they have to be willing to give the same amount of effort in return. Relationships never work if they are one-sided. It is not like a group project, where if one person does 80% of the work, and the other person only does 20%, and the project ends up getting an A from the teacher, both partners would then get an A. In a relationship, if one person is not willing to put in the time and effort for their significant other, the relationship will never progress. Either the other person would be forced to let the other go, or both individuals will be coerced into staying in the toxic relationship. Additionally, I loved how he added the tidbit about becoming more sensitive to someone else’s feelings. This shows that through a healthy relationship, both partners will gain or improve on a skill they may have never known they needed.
During my talk with Micah, I felt a sense of sincerity from his words, as he took his time answering all the questions. His words and tone reflected his open mindset to finding love despite his failed relationships. The interview with him proved to be an enjoyable experience for me, as it opened my eyes as to how Micah and I both have the same philosophy on love, despite the age and cultural differences.
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