Clint Kessler – Never Trust Your Friends (Story Map)
NEVER TRUST YOUR FRIENDS
Opens up with Frank and Melvin standing next to a bus stop.
A medium shot of both bananas.
Melvin: “I told you we should’ve left earlier.”
Frank: “It’s not my fault the bus never fucking comes!”
Frank: “If it came on time, we would have been at the theatre an hour ago”
Melvin: “Why’d they even make a new Die Hard, it’s not like each one gets better…”
Frank: “That’s bullshit man, Die Hard 3 was way better than the first one.”
Long panel that is completely black. These words are highlighted in white: “BANG! BANG! BANG!”
Panel laid out the same way: “NYPD! OPEN UP!”
Horizontal panel that takes up the bottom of the page.
(Canted angle) At the far left there is a door in the back being kicked open. Bruce Willis stands there with a gun in his hand, and his leg in the air. At the far right, there is a banana (the cousin) with a monocle, turtle neck, and Hitler-like mustache. He looks in shock and has sweat dripping down his face. The room is gritty.
Medium perspective shot of Bruce Willis with a gun in his hand. The gun is the closest to the front (perspective-wise) and is coming a little bit out of frame.
“Make like a banana…”
A closeup of his mouth: “…and split.”
A side view of the behind the bullet.
A side view of the
“NOOOOOOOOOO…” (The word is breaking the frame, from one end to the other)
The same shot, but this time the banana’s head is split in half. Each peal is curving down the sides of his body. Brain is flying everywhere, and banana blood is sprinkled throughout the frame.
Bullet flying through the air.
Motion lines on the banana’s face (medium shot):
Melvin is looking at his watch:
Melvin: “There’s no way this bus is gonna come.”
Frank looks exactly the same.
The frame zooms out revealing a large oak tree to the right of Frank and Melvin.
Cut to Plantain Garden, a pizza parlor-type restaurant with a neon banana sign on the roof, and a line of customers is circled around the block.
Inside there are banana peels all over the checkerboarded kitchen floor (each peel is dead with X’s for eyes).
Voices from a T.V down the hall bleed into the room.
“Next in food news, local restaurant Plantain Garden is having their grand reopening tomorrow morning, and the line is already around the block!”
The T.V is on one of the backroom desks. You can see the back of a monkey’s head watching the screen. Two newscasters are speaking:
“I’m telling you, Sharon, this place has some of the tastiest banana-related dishes I’ve ever eaten. Every Friday I would stroll down there during my lunch break, and OH MY GOODNESS …some of the best banana pudding I’ve had”.
The monkey is staring into the television, dollar signs are in his eyes.
Carl: “Payday here I come.”
Carl lies back in his chair looking content.
His eyes close.
A loud scream comes from the room next door: “FUCK!!!”
Carl practically shits his pants.
Carl looks to the right as the voice projects a few hesitant words: Dude… can you come in here for a sec?
Shot of an empty doorway.
Carl is walking into the frame. Carl: “What’s the matte-” Panel 29:
His mouth drops to the floor. Panel 30:
His co-worker (in a full butcher uniform) is holding his hand out. His open palm reveals a single rotten banana.
“They’re all rotten…”
Flies are buzzing all over the room.
A larger pile of rotten bananas is revealed on the counter behind him. Panel 32:
A gasp escapes from Carl’s mouth (in each frame he looks paler and paler).
Carl: “But that was our last batch…”
Carl: “If we don’t have banana pudding by the morning we’re not gonna make it.”
The lack of response irritates carl.
Carl: “So what do we do?”
The butcher reaches into his pocket.
Car keys emerge in his right hand.
Close up of his mouth.
“Get in the car”
Cut to a car shooting down the road (side view).
Carl’s determined face is behind the wheel (sweat droplets on his face).
Cut to the corner of a supermarket parking lot. The focus is on the front sign.
Focus on the top of the supermarket door opening. “Ding dong.”
Carl is behind his shopping cart looking around.
An annoyed employee is restocking items on a step ladder.
Carl: “Hey man, where’s the fruit aisle?”
The employee reluctantly directs Carl with his arm.
Perspective shot of the aisle. Carl and the employee are in the background, while a sign with “Fruit” written on it is in the foreground.
Carl: “I guess that’s a start”.
Medium side view or Carl walking down the aisle.
A large red sign has the words “Banna’s over here!” written on it (an arrow points around the corner).
Carl’s face lights up.
Carl looks up to the sky Carl: “Thank you, god”.
Corner of the shelf.
Carl’s fingers and face pop out from behind the corner.
His face immediately grows sour.
You see the back of Carl’s head. He is looking directly at the banana shelf, which is completely empty with cobwebs covering where the fruit once layed.
(Full page) Outside of the supermarket.
Carl is sitting at the curb on the phone (talking to his butcher co-worker).
From the other line:
“What do you mean there’s none left?”
Carl: “I’m telling you, man, we’re fucked.
The dude at the checkout aisle said banana shipments were delayed for the whole county.
Butcher: “So you’re saying there’s no way to get bananas by the morning?”
Butcher: “I guess we’ll figure out what to tell the crowd when you get back.”
The phone gets hung up.
Carl hunches over and plants his face in his palms.
A voice comes from outside the frame.
A homeless monkey is standing at the edge of the parking lot (flies are buzzing above his head).
HM: “I heard you’re looking for bananas…”
Side view of Carl’s face. He’s staring at the homeless monkey standing in front of him.
Carl: “Yeah.. hopefully.”
HM: “I know a place where you can get what you need…”
Carl: “Are fucking with me?” he says with a confused look on his face.
HM: “Nope… 20 bucks and I’ll lead you there…”
Cut to Frank and Melvin still waiting by the bus stop.
Melvin: “Ok man, this is ridiculous. The movie ends in like 10 minutes.”
Frank: “Don’t worry, we’ll just catch the next screening. I’m gonna head to the next stop to see how much longer we have to wait.”
Frank walks out of frame.
Melvin is now standing alone.
Top-down shot of Melvin by the bus stop.
Carl: “Dude you didn’t tell me these ones were alive! I’ve only gotten banana’s from the store before.”
HM: “Don’t worry bro. Just get down there and knock him out, I’ve done it plenty of times.”
Carl: “No, Fuck you. I’m not doing this!”
HM: “Hey man, a deal’s a deal. Gimme my 20 bucks.”
Carl: “I’m taking my business elsewhere!”
The homeless money tries to grab carl.
Carl: “Get off me man!”
Shot of Carl’s foot. *Slip*
Carl falls out of frame.
Top-down shot of carl hanging from the tree.
Carl: “Oh shit!”
Carl looks up at the homeless monkey.
Carl: “Help me, I’m slipping!”
Below shot of the homeless monkey looking at Carl. HM: “Screw you man, this was a waste of my time.”
He walks off.
HM: “Hope you hit the ground hard asshole.”
Carl is hanging from the tree branch.
His sweaty hand is wrapped around the tree branch.
His hand slips more.
Carl loses contact with the tree and is now falling.
His face stretches as he screams.
Carl: “Watch out!!!!”
Cut to melvin standing.
He looks up.
His mouth opens up with horror as you see Carl’s leg enter the top of the frame.
Banana guts shoot out from the bottom of the frame.
The frame is blank.
Shot from below of Carl holding the banana guts (his face is horrified).
Carl: “what have I done…”
From out of the frame comes Frank’s voice.
Frank: “Hey man, the next bus comes in like 40 minutes. Let’s just head home…”
Carl’s face looks terrified.
Carl: “oh shit…” (in small letters)
The frame is blank.
Frank walks in and melvin is missing.
Frank looks down.
Carl pops up fully covered in the skin of Melvin (like a costume).
Frank: “You alright man, you look a little sick?”
Carl: “Ye-yeah man, I’m doing gr-great…”
Frank: “Ok dude whatever.”
Carl is sweating bullets.
Carl: “Uhhhh man… I gotta call someone. I’ll be right back.”
Carl zips out of frame.
Frank looks confused.
Cut to Carl on his phone with the butcher: Carl: “Dude I’m in serious trouble”
Butcher: “What happened?”
Carl: “No time to explain. Just keep the backdoor unlocked…”
Close up of Carl’s mouth
Carl: “I think I can solve our problem…”
Carl hangs up the phone. He mumbles to himself:
Carl: “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
Frank is alone in the frame.
Carl makes his way back into the frame.
Carl: “We could always get some dinner. I know a great place downtown…”
rank: “Sure man. Sorry again about the movie, I should have planned better.”
“All good dude, you’re gonna love the food at this place!”
Close up of Carl’s face sweating.
A news reporter is standing in front of Plantain Garden (a microphone in his hand).
“I’m here hours before the grand reopening of Plantain Garden. The chef is preparing some of the final dishes, and soon we’ll all be able to get inside and
feast our eyes, and tastebuds on these gourmet banana dishes.”
“Well, Sal. Back to you.”
Cuts to another news anchor back in the studio.
Anchor: “Thanks Jerry, I can’t wait to get out of this shithole of a studio and eat some delicious bananas.”
(Full page) Carl and Frank are at the back door of the restaurant. (Dirty dumpsters and garbage are everywhere).
Frank: “Why’re we going through the back way?”
Carl: “Don’t worry man, I know the owners.”
Sweats dripping down his face.
Frank: “Why have you never told me about this?”
Carl: “Chill the fuck out man, your getting on my nerves!” Carl is fumbling with the key.
Carl opens the door
Carl: “After you.”
Carl holds the door open for Frank. Frank strolls in.
Carl squeezes in and the door slams behind him.
Frank gets startled.
Carl and Frank are now standing alone in the kitchen.
Frank: “Dude, what is this place?”
Banana peels are all over the floor.
Carl grabs the top of his banana costume.
He takes it off like a cloak.
Frank: “Wait! You’re not Melvin!”
Carl: “Relax man, I’m not gonna hurt you.”
He thinks about it for a second.
Carl: “Actually that’s not true…”
Frank starts to back up.
Carl: “Wait stay!”
Frank rushes to the door.
He grabs the door handle.
Side view of frank holding the handle.
A meat cleaver enters the side of the frame.
Frank’s head gets sliced down the middle and explodes.
Carl’s mouth drops to the floor.
Carl looks up to the side.
The butcher is standing in the doorway all silhouetted (looking like a superhero).
Carl becomes even more shocked.
The butcher and Carl are standing at either end of the frame looking down at Frank’s decapitated body.
The butcher: “I guess we better start cooking.”
NEVER TRUST YOUR FRIENDS.
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