Below is a series of letters and emails Thanksgiving has sent to Christmas over the past few years:
I really did not want to send this email, but after all these years, I can no longer tolerate your incessant need to overlap with my holiday. When we were deciding dates at the Holiday Conference, we agreed that I would take place on the last Thursday of November, and Christmas season would not start until December. You are violating our agreement by starting in late November, before my holiday has even occurred. It is rude of you to seep into my holiday. You are the only holiday people begin celebrating three weeks prior. With that privilege, you should respect my holiday, and at least start during your allotted time slot. If you would kindly start the Christmas season on December 1st, it would be much appreciated.
Last year, I sent a letter regarding this issue, but once again, I have been ignored. Christmas music started playing even earlier. I understand I should be more thankful that I am a holiday in the first place, but people are starting to brush me off like Flag Day. They are supposed to be thankful for all the things they have, but all they care about is vacation and Black Friday. So if you could please be considerate of my feelings, and stay within the schedule we agreed to, I would really appreciate it.
Look, I didn’t really want to bring this up, but clearly, you don’t get what I’m trying to say. People don’t even care what Christmas was originally for anymore. At least people are thankful on my holiday. All people care about on your holiday are presents. Whatever happened to caring about Jesus Christ? Even Starbucks stopped decorating their cups with Christmas-themed things ,because they were offending atheists. Is that what the Christmas spirit is really about? I’m just saying, you’re not as great as you think you are. So, give me all of November, and I’ll forget all about your materialistic habits.
Below is Christmas’s response to the email Thanksgiving sent on 11/30/15:
You’re one to talk about holiday origins. Your holiday was the start of the colonization and murder of Native Americans. My season will start when large businesses want it to start. Happy fvcking holidays.