Simply Heartbreak: Spilling Words to Seperate Worlds

Friendship is one of the greatest gifts in this world. The Webster Dictionary defines friendship as “the state of being friends,” but I think friendship is much more than that. It’s a relationship where you find your best self when you’re in the company of another person. You don’t need to pretend to be anyone else because they get you: a level like no other with a deep and personal connection. That’s what we had. We lifted each other up when we couldn’t lift up ourselves, we made each other smile when we forgot how to, we were there for each other in the times of need, and we were there for each other when we needed nothing at all. We had that connection others longed for. We just understood each other since the very beginning and often even finished each other’s sandwiches. (If you don’t get the reference, watch “Frozen.”)

The phrase ‘opposites attract’ really applied to us, as we were almost total opposites. He was the quiet introvert, and I was the opinionated, free spirit. Our differing personalities really combined forces to get us through tough times.  However, as time went on, I started to notice a few cracks beginning to form. He started to lose trust in me. I was no longer the one he would go to when he had problems and needed someone to talk to, the person he depended on for help, and no longer the person that he confided in when things got intense. Going from being the person that he always trusted to someone he couldn’t trust at all really hurt me. It made me question myself. Had I done something wrong? Was it my fault that our friendship was damaged?

To this day we are still at least very close friends if not best friends, but it just doesn’t feel the same as before. It feels as if we’ve lost that momentum that I’ve always longed for, and it just hurts me inside to realize it. The fact that he doesn’t seem to trust me anymore and confides in others now sometimes makes me feel left out, like I’m being replaced. Now I know I probably shouldn’t feel that way because people can do whatever they wish to do. Who are we to tell them what to do and where to go I’ve always tried my best to not be the attached type, since that usually doesn’t seem to end well with people, and I end up losing them, but all I’ve wanted since day one was a healthy and happy friendship, but just when I think I’ve got it, there are more mountains to climb. Is a healthy friendship really asking for too much? Sometimes I feel like I’m an annoyance to him, so I try to keep my distance. I always try to tell myself “maybe he’s going through a rough patch, or maybe he’s just having a bad day” to try to make myself feel better, but it always seems to come short. It seems as though whatever I try to do to fix the cracks, it just seems to make them bigger and doesn’t seem to change anything.

To this day I always question myself as to where it went wrong, but I can never seem to find the answer. Maybe this was all my fault and I had done something to offend him and push him away, but I wouldn’t know since communication seems to be a key factor in this. I don’t know if I’m ever going to confront him about this, because I’m scared of what might happen if I do and I don’t think I’m ready for that. I don’t think I’m ready to lose and give up probably one of the best things that I have. Since day one, I thought we were gonna be each other’s rocks, the Buzz to my Woody, as it were. I thought we were always going to be there for each other, through thick and thin, no matter what happened we would be okay because we were each other’s guardians. We were supposed to be like that, but I guess I thought wrong.

Spilling Words to Separate Worlds

“Let It Go” by James Bay is a song that I discovered just a few months ago as I was scrolling through my sad playlist recommendations. As I listened to it, I noticed it resembled my friendships very closely, aside from a few lyrics. Right away many lines stood out to me, as it perfectly painted the picture of a broken relationship that was once perfect. It conveyed the real trust issues that grow between people and how they can cause them to drift apart. Since this song was based on a romantic relationship, I changed some of the lyrics to translate them into our friendship.

Now we’re slipping near the edge,

holding something we don’t need’

Tryna get you on my side,

but you believe that it’s only lies

If this is all we’re living for,

why are we doing it, doing it,

doing it anymore?

I hope you enjoy this song as much as I did. See you in my next post!